I used to work out three to four times a week. Now, I don’t. I bend over backwards, coming up with irrational reasons not to engage in this behavior despite knowing that regular exercise helps me remain in good health and keeps me looking my best—a circumstance that bolsters my confidence and makes me feel better about myself.
Why are bad habits so much harder to break than good ones are to start or maintain? Could it be because bad habits are often connected to things we know aren’t good for us but thoroughly enjoy, and the positive things we’d like to begin doing tend to come at a price? Perhaps it comes down to our humanity.
It can take a supreme act of will for some of us to pause and think about the consequences before making a snarky comment, probably because letting our frustrations fly is much less scary than working things out. On the other hand, eating another scoop of Hagen Das Rum Raisin vs. settling for a nice piece of fruit can be a tough decision, depending on our mood.
While many habitual behaviors are relatively harmless, indulging in others harms our relationships and ultimate happiness. If our go-to emotion is anger when we’re frustrated or hurt, the cost of venting that anger instead of dealing with what’s underneath not only can hurt others unnecessarily but might begin to harm our relationships as well. Indulging in the easy habit of anger vs. the more difficult one of honesty can be costly.
Despite the stiff challenge behavioral change can be, there are strategies that can help us move past our less-than-positive impulses toward habits that can create a more productive, happier existence.
- Be aware. Figuring out exactly what you need to change is the first step to getting where you want to be. For example, realizing that you’re binge-watching your favorite sitcom to avoid the anxiety you’re feeling about an upcoming project at work instead of figuring out ways to handle it can be the first step in making a change.
- Decide. Committing to change goes a long way toward making it a reality. Think about the consequences of indulging in a negative habit vs. the benefits of maintaining a positive one as a way of cementing your decision to change.
- Look for cues. Identify the situations that bring about the behaviors and their corresponding reward. Try making a list of barriers when it comes to changing your behavior along with possible solutions.
- Break it down. If you’ve bitten off more than you can chew, splitting up a complex negative behavior into several smaller ones can make it more likely that you’ll change.
- Replace. Switch out negative habits and replace them with positive ones. For example, instead of rewarding yourself with a sweet treat after a workout, put the money toward an outfit that goes with your trimmer silhouette instead.
- Avoid the all-or-nothing approach. Building new behavior patterns isn’t a time for black-and-white thinking. If you slip back into a behavior you’re trying to eliminate, don’t be discouraged into thinking it’s a lost cause. Have the courage to go back to the drawing board with the experience you’ve gleaned.
- Seek support. Let your family and friends in on your behavior-altering endeavor. They can be an invaluable source of encouragement and help.
- Give yourself a break. You can’t change overnight. Allow yourself the time and the self-compassion you need to create new habits that are positive and enjoyable.
Perhaps it would be easier to change the things we don’t like in ourselves if we focused less on the behaviors and a bit more on the reasons why we bother to change in the first place. Whether we decide to change because we’re forced by circumstance or because it’s the right thing to do, one of the most likely reasons we human beings switch things up behavior-wise is that what we’re doing now isn’t getting us what we want.
Changing our behavioral approach to life and our relationships is never easy. If it was, we’d do a lot more of it. But the cost of sticking to the ways we’ve always done things can also be high—sometimes too high not to take the risk of trying something different when it comes to old habits of relating to life and to each other.
References
Perry. Elizabeth, ACC. (2021, June 3). The 6 Stages of Behavior Change: A How-To Guide.Betterup.com. https://www.betterup.com/blog/behavior-change
Vermani. Monica, C. Psych. (2024, April 23). Breaking Bad: How to Break Up with Your Bad Habits.psychologytoday.com. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/a-deeper-wellness/202404/breaking-bad-how-to-break-up-with-your-bad-habits
About the Author
Charles Davis, MSW, has written for several academic publications and was a semifinalist for the 2023 Mason Jar Press 1729 Book Prize in Prose. He lectures on a variety of disability issues, including legal rights and sexuality. Mr. Davis also writes a blog on navigating loss and building a new life at: https://gayandgrieving.blog.