The holidays are nothing if not complex. As the season begins, we have visions of apple cider-wafted family gatherings where everyone gets along, wandering through a holiday market shopping for the perfect gift, or spending a lazy afternoon sipping hot cocoa before a snapping fire. While this may be the reality for some, it clashes with how most of us experience this festive time of year.
Inundated with messages telling us how perfect our celebrations would be if only we’d purchase this item, bake this treat, or engage in this or that seasonal activity, we worry about decking our halls with enough garland or if Uncle Harry will bring up that loaded topic at the holiday dinner table again this year. And despite all evidence to the contrary, we desperately cling to the mistaken impression that everybody else is having a better time than we are.
Missing those we’ve lost or who are geographically out of reach, our anxiety escalates as we wonder if we’ve spent enough money on presents for family, friends, and those we’re only tangentially associated with. Amid a deluge of goodwill, we’re bombarded by the unspoken obligation to be in a constant state of bliss. But experiencing a sneaking sense of sadness when we’re supposed to feel the opposite only compounds our confusion.
Despite the mixed emotions that can accompany them, there are ways we can not only face the holidays with equanimity but also rekindle our joy in their observance.
- Get real. Try to have realistic expectations about the holidays and how you celebrate them. Set doable goals, prioritize activities that mean the most to you, and divide them into easy-to-accomplish steps, being practical about your capabilities. Spread the joy by delegating some of the tasks you’re usually responsible for.
- Live in the now. Don’t put all your eggs in one holiday basket. Look forward to the next holiday on the calendar. Be present and engaged in every festive activity by refusing to compare the holiday you’re celebrating today with those you celebrated in the past.
- Create a Cope Kit. Make a list of your favorite things to do, put it somewhere you can see it every day, and indulge when you’ve got a case of the holiday blues. Activities can be as simple as lighting a candle, listening to a favorite song, getting a massage, or using positive visualization. To combat tense family gatherings, refuse to engage in taboo subjects or take a break by removing yourself from the situation.
- Give yourself the gift of self-care. Getting plenty of sleep and exercise, going to lunch with a friend, or doing something creative will help to ensure that you feel better about yourself and be more able to keep depression, anxiety, and the holiday blues at bay.
- Reach out. Vanquish loneliness by volunteering for a community organization you believe in. If friends are few or far away, make new ones by joining a class or reconnect by reaching out to someone you miss but haven’t spoken to in years.
The holidays are both joyous and fraught with anxiety. The happiest of times, they can be tinged with sadness because of the gift we can’t afford to give or those we won’t be celebrating with. But we can ensure that we’ll have happier holidays if we take care of ourselves, set realistic goals about what we can spend or accomplish, and reach out to those who need a friend as much as we do.
Many of the things we think are so important this time of year have absolutely nothing to do with the true joy we take from the holidays—things like letting those we care about know just how much they mean to us or remembering how lucky we are to be around to celebrate in the first place.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed by the season, the therapists at Healing Connections Counseling can help by giving you the strategies you need to regain your emotional balance and renew your enjoyment of the holidays.
References
Bhandari. Smitha, MD, (2024, August 27). Holiday Depression and Stress. webmd.com. https://www.webmd.com/depression/holiday-depression-stress
Pugle. Michele, (Medically Reviewed 2024, August 23) 5 Ways to Cope with Depression During the Holidays. everydayhealth.com. https://www.everydayhealth.com/depression/ways-to-cope-with-depression-during-the-holiday-season
About the Author
Charles Davis, MSW, has written for several academic publications and was a semifinalist for the 2023 Mason Jar Press 1729 Book Prize in Prose. He lectures on a variety of disability issues, including legal rights and sexuality. Mr. Davis also writes a blog on navigating loss and building a new life at: https://gayandgrieving.blog.