Whenever I think about sex, I remember when I wasn’t having any. Saddled with a sense of otherness, uncomfortable in my body and denying a sexuality I didn’t yet understand, much of my late teens and early twenties were spent praying for sex I never thought I was going to have.
With the exception of a few stolen encounters and sexual misfires, it wasn’t until I wandered into a long-term relationship in my mid-thirties that I gradually learned to make peace with my body and my sexuality, gaining the confidence I needed to explore and have fun during sex.
Unfortunately, physical intimacy in my first marriage followed the same unhealthy pattern that many relationships do, blazing white-hot in the beginning, but waning in the face of everyday stress and then slowing to a fitful trickle sapped by broken promises and well-worn resentments.
Two years into my second marriage, I’d like to think that I’ve been able to take the hard-earned sexual lessons I learned into my new relationship, but now I’m not so sure. During our first days together, my then-boyfriend and I couldn’t keep our hands off each other, indulging in as many physical pleasures as imagination and our aging bodies allowed.
As days and months have slipped into years, our attraction remains magnetic, but the number and creativity of our sexual encounters have tapered off, with spontaneity giving way to convenience. Free of the old hurts that all but scuttled sex in my first marriage, I ask myself why it’s beginning to stale in my second. Are my husband and I letting daily anxieties short-circuit the desire we feel for each other? Are we scrolling and streaming rather than talking? Are we experiencing a “sexual recession”?
In this blog, you’ll learn what the sexual recession is, where Gen Z fits in, the effects the sexual recession can have on couples in long-term relationships, and ways to survive and thrive on the other side.
What is the Sexual Recession?
Like the slowing of an economy, a sexual recession refers to the narrowing of physical intimacy over an extended period of time (In this case, decades). While it’s usually associated with those born millennial or Gen Z, it can also affect those of us whose birthdays don’t land between 1981 and 1996 or 1997 and 2012.
According to the Institute for Family Studies, the number of us having weekly sex has dropped precipitously over the last three and a half decades, with 55% of those surveyed saying they were having sex once a week in 1990 and 37% saying they were doing the same in 2024.
Sometimes dubbed the “relationship recession” or “intimacy drought,” the sharpest drop occurred in 2010, the direct result of what has been called the “great rewiring” of our relationships, marking the shift from talking face to face to communicating almost exclusively through digital means. Simply put, we’re spending less time with our partners, friends, and family and more time on our devices.
Another reason for the dip in our intimacy quotient is that we’re not getting involved in as many serious relationships as we used to. In addition to spending more time scrolling than talking to each other, we’re feeling too overwhelmed by economic uncertainty and the ever-spinning chaos of the world around us to build and maintain the relationships we need for physical and emotional intimacy.
Gen Z and the Sexual Recession
While the blame for the sexual recession cannot be placed solely at the feet of Gen Z, it turns out that young people aged 18 to 24 are having less sex than their peers at any other time in American history, with nearly half reporting never having sex at all.
Why is Gen Z so squeamish when it comes to physical intimacy? There are several factors behind their reticence.
- Stress and Societal Pressures: Young people today say they are experiencing a lot of anxiety and depression due to the precariousness of the world around them. These feelings are further complicated by the need to get ahead in their careers, leading them to put more energy into their jobs than into building and maintaining a romantic relationship.
- Fear: Whether fueled by the dread of getting a sexually transmitted disease or feeling intimidated by the unrealistic personas created by their peers online, Gen-Z (sometimes referred to as “Puriteens”) are more cautious when it comes to the casual hook-ups indulged in by young people in the past.
- Less Face-to-Face Contact: Born in a world steeped in technology, it isn’t surprising that young people today spend more time scrolling than they do relating to each other IRL. And with the time they spend socializing with each other, topping out at five hours a week, it’s no wonder they’re having fewer romantic entanglements and therefore less sex.
Before sounding the alarm when it comes to young people and their lack of physical intimacy, we may want to consider that their sexual expression is just taking a different form than the two-people-in-a-bed variety. Specifically, the sex lives of young adults today are shaped by different priorities and the technology that permeates every other aspect of their lives.
The Sexual Recession and Long-Term Relationships
Since many couples who’ve been together a while are just as stressed, anxious, and dependent on social media as their younger counterparts, it isn’t surprising that the sexual recession has crept into their bedrooms as well. Here are some of the reasons why couples in long-term relationships may be seeing their physical intimacy decline:
- They don’t put in the work: Turns out it’s easier to get our fix of dopamine from scrolling our favorite social media platforms, binge watching the latest hit on a streaming site, gaming, or watching porn than it is to seduce a romantic partner and engage in sexual follow-through. Couples are also doing more scrolling in bed, but on separate sites, thereby lessening the likelihood of their having sex.
- They’re just too tired: Citing a lack of sleep, money problems, and the pressure of living a highly curated existence online, adults are feeling too tired for sex, with 73% reporting that they feel exhausted all the time.
- They feel they shouldn’t depend on someone else: In a world littered with selfies, personal blogs, and podcasts celebrating individual achievement, is it any wonder that adults today feel that counting on another person is a sign of weakness, resulting in their pulling away from those they’re romantically involved with, both emotionally and physically.
- Their mental health issues interfere with their ability to make physical connections: Feelings of anxiety and depression often lead to talk therapy and the use of antidepressants, and while these drugs may be necessary for maintaining our emotional equilibrium, they can also interfere with our libido, resulting in fewer sexual encounters—a circumstance that requires creativity and a renewed commitment to intimacy.
How to Survive the Sexual Recession
Since the reasons we tend not to be physically intimate usually stem from things like fear, becoming overwhelmed by stress and anxiety, and a failure to connect with others, surviving the sexual recession can have a lot to do with taking matters into our own hands when it comes to building and keeping relationships. Here are some strategies you can use to increase your chances of having a healthy and vibrant sex life:
- Connect: This isn’t just about spending time together on the fly; it’s about scheduling a moment of intimacy featuring cuddling that doesn’t lead to sex. It means taking your significant other on a dinner date, planting a garden, or cooking meals together.
- Reframe Sex: There’s a lot more to intimacy than just having intercourse. Be adventurous by indulging in a deep-tissue massage or by reminding each other of the things that attracted you when you first met. Be brave enough to reveal one of your most vulnerable secrets.
- Be Honest and Open: Tell your partner what you want and need from them. Learn to be okay with (gently and respectfully) letting the other person know what is and isn’t working for you when it comes to sex. It will improve your frequency and enjoyment in the long run.
- Invest: Since the wear and tear of life on our mental and physical health is one of the main culprits of a lack of intimacy, it’s important for both partners to commit to their mental health, which may include seeking the advice of a therapist.
- Be Adventurous: Don’t be afraid to spice things up when it comes to sex. Whether you choose to introduce role play, sex toys, or other mutually agreed-upon and safe sexual scenarios, creativity can be your path to sexual health.
- Prioritize Your Body: Our physical health is hard-wired to our libido. If we don’t feel well, we’re less likely to want to have sex, so it’s just as important for us to eat healthy foods and get plenty of sleep when it comes to having a vibrant sex life as it is to tend to our mental health and our relationships.
Conclusion
As long as we live in a world dominated by social media and beset with instability, we’re likely to fall prey to the sexual recession no matter how hard we try to avoid it. Fortunately, there are ways we can not only swerve the inevitable dry patch but also strengthen our relationship in the long run. If we get off our devices and carve out time to be with our significant other, are honest about what we need, take care of ourselves, and are willing to try new things, we’ll be more likely to experience a sex life punctuated by frequency and joy.
References
Perdomo, Williams, (2025, September 15). The Great Sex Recession: The number of Americans having sex weekly plummets. voz.us. https://ifstudies.org/in-the-news/the-great-sex-recession-the-number-of-americans-having-sex-weekly-plummets
Wall, David W. Ph.D., (2022, September 16). Why We’re Having Less Sex. Psychologytoday.com. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/sexual-self/202209/why-were-having-less-sex
Charles Davis is an essayist who has written for several academic publications, The Gay & Lesbian Review and The Christian Science Monitor. Mr. Davis also writes a blog on navigating loss and building a new life at: https://gayandgrieving.blog. He was a semifinalist for the 2023 Mason Jar Press 1729 Book Prize in Prose.